Building Self-Esteem: Live Consciously
“Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally, in the service of self-understanding and wisdom.”
In my last post on Building Self-Esteem, I explained that there are six steps to increase our self-esteem. The first step is to live consciously. So, what exactly is conscious living?
Well, honestly, conscious living is a lot like mindfulness. Living consciously means being fully aware and present in the current moment while paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. It involves being intentional about your actions, thoughts, and decisions, and taking responsibility for your choices.
Mindful Awareness
When we are mindfully aware we pay close attention to our actions, behaviors, and beliefs, and we recognize how they affect ourselves and others. One of the big benefits of mindfulness is its ability to strengthen our capacity for self-compassion and empathy. Self-compassion is essentially where we recognize that sometimes shit happens and things will still be okay. On the other hand, empathy is understanding that other people don’t always have their shit together, either, and that’s okay, too.
Mindfulness also has the power to increase our willingness to learn and grow, and actively seek out new experiences and knowledge. Research shows that folks willing to learn and grow through counseling are more likely to adjust better to stressful life situations and experience a greater sense of wellbeing. Additionally, people who are open to new experiences typically show more adaptability and resilience when times get tough.
Ultimately, living consciously can lead to greater self-awareness, personal fulfillment, and positive relationships with others. It can also help individuals make more thoughtful and informed decisions. All in all, increasing our self-awareness, adaptability, positive relationships, and more is going to give our self-esteem a major boost. And this boost in self-esteem is also going to help us live more authentic and purposeful lives which is what many of us really want at the end of the day.
So, how do we get there?
How to Live Consciously
Remember, conscious living is mainly about becoming aware of yourself, how you operate in the world, and sometimes how the world operates on you. So, to help you increase your awareness, here are some things to you can try:
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness works best in a quiet environment where you’re unlikely to be disturbed for the duration of your practice. If you have a hard time sitting completely still, you can incorporate tactile sensations into your mindfulness meditation. One of my favorite mindfulness practices is slowly petting my dog, Luther, while I breathe deep, slow breaths and notice any thoughts in my mind or sensations in my body (including Luther’s silky soft fur!). If you don’t have a pet, you can also do this with any kind of textured object - fluffy pillows, blankets, or stuffed animals also work really well. I’m not sure who gets the most benefit out of this one - me or Luther?
Journal
I get it - not everyone has the capacity or the patience to sit quietly and meditate for several minutes (which usually feel like hours). Instead, a good alternative to help quiet your mind and tune in to your thoughts is journaling. There are several different ways to journal (like bullet journaling, voice recording, or the free writing), so feel free to find the method that resonates best with you. Really, the goal is to start an inner dialogue with yourself that is recorded in some way, so you can look back and uncover your values, beliefs about yourself and others, and process your everyday experiences.
Be Intentional
Being intentional is a broad suggestion, but the main goal of this one is to think about "why am I doing this? What purpose does this activity, relationship, comment, job, etc. serve for me?" When we live with intention, we define what's important to us, set goals for ourselves, and make an effort to achieve those goals. Usually the things we set goals towards (like losing weight or saving for a house) say a lot about what we value and what our purpose is in life. Make a plan to achieve your goals, and take action towards them every day little by little.
Practice Gratitude
Research shows that gratitude can help you cultivate a positive mindset and a greater sense of wellbeing. Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for, and express appreciation to those around you. It helps to actually record your gratitude in some way, so you can look back and see the positive factors in your life. Examples include a gratitude journal, an instagram account just for gratitude posts, or filling a jar with pieces of paper saying what you're grateful for. If you need some added accountability, get the whole family involved and create an art project of your daily gratitude.
Connect with Others
Connecting with others, especially after many of us experienced isolation through the pandemic, is particularly important for our wellbeing. Remember, conscious living isn't just all about us; it's also about understanding how we influence the world and it influences us. This means we have to interact with others on some level. Connecting with others could look like active listening, showing empathy and compassion, inviting others to participate in a hobby with you, or simply spending time together working towards a common goal.
There are about a million other suggestions I could come up with that could help you live consciously, but I think you get the point. Feel free to take some of these suggestions and modify them to suit your lifestyle and how you make sense of the world. The biggest thing is to broaden your perspective, recognize your thinking and behaviors, and become more fully alive in your life.
If you're eager for more, check out some of the other blogs in this series:
Part Three: Self-Responsibility (coming soon)
Part Four: Self-Assertiveness (coming soon)
Part Five: Personal Integrity (coming soon)
Part Six: Live Purposefully (coming soon)
Sources:
Branden, N. (1995). Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Bantam.
Davis, D. M., & Hayes, J. A. (2011). What are the benefits of mindfulness? A practice review of psychotherapy-related research. Psychotherapy, 48(2), 198–208. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022062
Fayombo, G. (2010). The relationship between personality traits and psychological resilience among the Caribbean adolescents. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 2(2), 105-105.
hooks, b. (2018). all about love. William Morrow Paperbacks.
Watkins, P. C., Woodward, K., Stone, T., & Kolts, R. L. (2003). Gratitude and happiness: Development of a measure of gratitude, and relationships with subjective well-being. Social Behavior and Personality: An International Journal, 31(5), 431-451.
Dr. Ashley Burks is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Counselor Educator who provides online and in-person counseling to Indiana residents. She is passionate about LGBTQ+ mental health, sexual mental and physical health, and first responder families‘ mental health. Ashley’s approach is all about promoting wellness through simplicity, building connection, and down-to-earth solutions from a trauma-informed lens.
